Rewind... April 9th, 2008... after a few days of suspicion and as a huge fight with the hubby is winding down, I take a pregnancy test.
It comes back positive.

I should have started my period about a day or two earlier and didn't. Sure most people say it was way too early to really suspect something, but I'm just one of those people who is very aware of my body. After most of my adult life having dealt with ovarian systs, I know what's going on with that 'special' time of the month.

At 35, this will be my first.

Good God, that's scary...

But to be honest with you, I think I'm emotionally ready to have children, finally. I'm no longer selfish about my life, ready to commit, and my husband and I have been married for 8 years so the 'newly wed' phase is long over, we've had our 'time' together and don't mind sharing our lives with a small version of us.

As I said, I took the test as a fight was ending. We were still mad, and not really at the make up phase, but still, it was done and soon we'd be out of the friendly fire stage and no longer walking on egg shells around each other. I wanted to take the test sooner, but waited until I felt the fight was not going to flare up again. One thing I did not want was me breaking the news to Jeff while there were still barbs going back and forth. I'd feel as if the news would feel like I purposefully used the pregnancy to end the fight. I didn't want that hanging in the back of my mind everytime I looked at our child and think that the child was an attempt to fix any problems in our marriage. The problems needed to fixed by us, not by "I'm pregnant".

So I went off to the bathroom while he was in the bedroom, before he turned on the TV, hoping he would stay in the bedroom and not wander into the bathroom while I did it. I did sort of want to break the news with a positive test and not "I think I might be pregnant, I'm going to take a test, come on...."
Well he stayed in the bedroom, talking to me about something or another, I think it was something he had read on cnn.com or something, as I watched the test, chit chatting as if nothing was going on (still don't know why he wasn't noticing I was in the bathroom longer than normal). Then when it came back pregnant, I smirked, and stopped chit chatting and brought the test in the bedroom and interupted the constant stream of whatever he was talking about (he had not realized I had stopped talking ) and said. "Want to have a baby?" and handed him the positive test.

To say the least, he was overjoyed.

We'd been trying, not too hard, to have children for 2 years. Because of my crazy problems with progesterone from the ovarian systs, I just wasn't getting pregnant, or when we thought that I had, I wasn't carrying past 28 days. This time we finally got it to stick.

I had just started a new job... well I was in a week. Two months before he had just started a new job, his insurance had just kicked in... thankfully, because we decided it was best to cover me on his just in case, rather than counting on my new job having good benefits... he could always drop me and I go with my own if it turned out my insurance was good. His job is a nice stable job in a field he likes, mine.. not so much, but at least I was in a job that I didn't have to stand or do heavy lifting.

They say there is no good time to have a baby, always some situation you wish was different, in my case I wish I had a better job, I also wish it had been a little later since I won't get materity leave (I will get unpaid family leave, but no short term disability... since when is having children a disability?) but to be honest, better now than before when I was unemployed. Emotionally we both are ready... I can always worry about getting a better job later after the baby is born and I have the ability to thrust us into the uncertainty of starting a new job, because I will be able to stay at my job until a better one comes along.

So now... where are we? Good question!
It took me forever to get into an OBGYN, my schedule would not allow it. We had to move, we had to stable out our finances after me being out of work and renting a new home and the fact I couldn't get the time off and with one car, it was co-odinating schedules to where I could take Jeff into work and then go pick up him to take me into work on his lunch hour. I was, by my family doctor's estimates, 12 weeks.

During the exam, the nurse practitioner said I felt more like 14 weeks. I felt like 14 weeks to be honest. All I had read about pregnancy made me wonder as I seemed a lot further along than 12 weeks. I kept wondering...'is it twins?' (still wondering by the way...). So we've made my due date tenantive until they do an ultrasound.
I had to move to maternitity clothes at what we originally estimated as 13 weeks as even my 'fat' pants were too uncomfortable. At work I'm starting to get the 'oh look at you! You're showing quite a bit!' and appearently I'm at the 'you're so cute!' phase *makes a goth face at everyone*

Morning sickness...? Wasn't so bad during the first trimester. Though as I went into the second trimester, it's gotten worse! Still, I'm not throwing up every day, but often enough to annoy me. I kept getting told in the second trimester it would go away!

I surprised myself because at the appointment I got to hear the baby's heartbeat. I started crying (of joy). I didn't know I'd react so emotionally. I've always been rather emotionally unattached to the idea of children, but knew having one would change that drastically(yeah, I DO have maternal instincts... somewhere...) But more I thought I'd just be awed... speechless. But no, I started crying the moment I heard that heartbeat. Confirmation that there was a healthy baby in there.

In about 2 weeks, I go for the next monthly appointment and meet my OBGYN. Hopefully we can get an ultrasound scheduled soon after. I am at the mercy of my doctor on that, but if I am further along than we suspected at first, I'll be a few days over 18 weeks and within the time they like to do the first ultrasound.
The funny thing is, the nurse asked me if I had a period in March. I did, and it was fairly normal, not light or unusual for me. Now, there is a chance I estimated my start date off, but it would only be by a day or two. I could have ovulated earlier than than the average, but it would only account for a few days. So I really do want to get the ultrasound. I still suspect twins, though Jeff doesn't... I do feel bigger than I should. I'm hoping the doctor will agree and schedule an ultrasound within a week of the appointment.

I do have to say that being pregnant now in days is a lot more complicated than it was before. I say that because of working moms to be having a difficult time getting to appointments. It took way to long for me to get to my first appointment and once I did... how did I choose which OBGYN I would have? Not because he was recommended, not because of his education or experience, but because he was in the office on Fridays. Yeah, his office hours.
The practice has several offices and the doctors are at one office on certain days, other on other days. Dr Chang was going to be in the office near my house on Fridays, I have Fridays off so I can make my appointments and not worry about missing work. It's really sad that I have to do it that way.

I did research the doctor ahead of time to an extent. I had been to that practice before and liked the doctor I saw so I felt confident going back there. I read over Dr Chang's credentials before I made the appointment, as well as other doctors in the practice in the network. So I knew where he had gotten his degrees and how long he'd been delivering babies. At least I don't feel nervous about him. Plus he is from the east coast and went to medical school in Pennsylvania, for this transplanted PA native, that means a lot!

The music I like to annoy my husband with...

Skinny Puppy
VNV Nation
Bella Morte
Front Line Assembly
Collide (hubby likes Collide, so it doesn't annoy him)
Icon of Coil
Imperative Reaction
Razed In Black

(I've been in an EBM mood lately)

Okay, back into the Turk again... I knew that was going to happen eventually....

Tarkan (hubby likes Tarkan too, so I can't annoy him)